Since the coronavirus descended upon us and put us in to quarantine mode, I’ve done six 1000 piece puzzles...that’s 6,000 cardboard shapes that kept my mind from prematurely turning to mush. I painted several things that needed painting and even more that didn’t. I also repainted the things that I did a lousy job painting the first time. I’ve washed my hands to the point that the skin on my fingers look like the before pictures on a crepe-y skin infomercial. I’ve wiped down things that I was sure had the virus hanging on for dear life including the Lysol wipes container and the inside of the cap from the anti-bacterial spray. I’ve considered buying stock in Keurig as I have used more coffee pods in the past two months than most people use in a year. I’ve listened to doctors and politicians and newscasters all of whom are confusing at best or lying at worst. I’ve binge watched shows about murderous tiger kings, make-up mavens and money launderers. And with regards to laundry, I have to say, those Tide pods were really looking good after my snack supply was depleted. I thought about wiping every other bathroom visit to save on toilet paper usage noting that men don’t wipe, they shake. I learned rather quickly that shaking doesn’t work for the female anatomy not to mention the gross factor. I’ve listened to my husband’s antiquated jokes, which in terms of boredom only competed with his insistence to watch television shows that bombed even when they were new… in 1947. I started watching game shows. I am proficient now at matching pictures, something I was good at when I was seven and guessing what 100 random people think the answers are to hypothetical questions…and I’ve even gleaned some important information, like that the original Pez dispenser was designed to look like a lighter as a quit smoking device. I’ve shopped. Oh how I have shopped. A grateful Amazon sent me a mother’s day card. Ok they didn’t really, but they should have. Every day I watch from my window as the UPS or mail truck come down my block and joy bubbles up when I see them pull up and stop in front of my house. With anticipation of whether it’s the dog’s treats, a best seller book or a spool of elastic ironically imported from China I come ready with my mask and Lysol wipes to accept my delivery. I bought press on nails since my usually manicured nails began looking like someone who tried to claw their way out of a well. I spend a good portion of the day looking for the nails that go rogue after the glue dries. I’ve cut my husband’s hair…easy peasy, not much to cut these days. And then I cut mine. No comment. I’ve crocheted baby blankets for my great-grandkids who aren’t even close to being born yet and teddy bears in nurse’s uniforms for my grandkids that are born. I now have the neatest junk drawers and my socks are color coordinated with my underwear and bras. I’ve taught myself a foreign language through a downloaded app but as of now all I can say is ‘do you have hand sanitizer?’ and ‘back up buddy, you’re too close’ in beginner Italian. I’ve been potting everything I can cut up and root. Somehow seeing a rotting vegetable sprout has its rewards these days. So yes, I’m ready to venture out of these four walls and do nothing that involves anything creative or organized. I’m ready to face the virus head on… with a mask and gloves and sanitizer and……
