Goodnight Irene...

I have given you all a few days to digest from all the Hurricane Irene info we were force fed for days prior to, during and after the Hurricane of 2011. (so far) I have allowed a few days to pass so that all or most have their power back on and their lives back to normal. I have even waited until the headlines reverted back to more un-‘natural’ disasters, like the plummeting stock market and upcoming elections. But holding it is has almost caused me to bust…so allow me…..

Friday: Everyone went shopping. Everyone bought water, flashlights and batteries. Bread, milk and eggs. I bought Twizzlers.

For two days I lived on those Twizzlers. First black, then cherry. I didn’t have to, there was plenty of food. I had fried 3 pounds of chicken cutlets and there was steak and meatballs in gravy in the freezer. I had tuna and peanut butter and three different cereals. There were some cold cuts and several different fruits. But the logical choice every time I was hungry was….Twizzlers. Not only did my sugar go through the roof, I gained 3 pounds and my shit is green….ok, I know WAY too much info. Sorry…

The proverbial calm before the storm, the sun was shining and not a hint of wind but I was in prepared mode. I watched CNN, MSNBC, the Weather Channel, any channel that had a map with a swirl and a dotted line slowly moving up the eastern seaboard. I found myself doodling the map on napkins, mail and even my hand. (it was like something out of Close Encounters of the Third Kind) Friday night I had a play to go to just over the Marine Parkway bridge….in Rockaway. Yes, Rockaway the now being evacuated Rockaway. As we drove over the bridge and I looked at the waters surrounding us, I felt brave and daring. I stared Irene in the eye! Ok so that is a bit over-exaggerating….the water was calm and still…so far! I came home and spent the rest if the night watching Irene creep up the coast.

Saturday: I woke to find my husband getting ready for work.

“Where you going?“

“Work”

“Are you kidding, if you go in today you won’t be able to leave.“

“Nah, probably be home early”

Guess who was right?!

I spent the day no more than 15 feet from any TV in the house. I didn’t want to miss a single second. I wanted to hear who was being evacuated, what idiots refused to leave, and relished in the videos of newscasters being blown around. The storm was still three states away. By four o’clock it was apparent my husband wasn’t gonna get home in time for Irene, and although I checked that his life insurance policy was paid in full, I didn’t want him traveling in the midst of her wrath. I fried cutlets. Pounds and pounds of cutlets. I am not sure why, it just seemed like the thing to do during a hurricane. The wind was picking up just a bit and it was now raining, but the house was filled with the amazing smell of garlic and cheese, the air conditioning was keeping the stifling humidity at bay, and my all-channel Irene coverage was in full swing. My plan was to cut patterns, sew and generally keep busy ‘not’ cleaning. As the sky darkened and the storm was two, and then quickly one, state away….I text my husband. The storm was getting bad and if he was coming home he should do so now. It would be the last nice text he got until he got home in the morning. I organized my emergency plan. Candles in the kitchen, flashlights in the dining room, ice being made and of course, Twizzlers. I laid on the couch trying to position myself in a way so that if the tree in front blew in my picture window I could spring to my feet with cat like reflexes and dodge disaster. (yeah, ok) Bloomberg repeating not to go near the windows wasn’t helping matters. I sat up. I moved to the recliner. I turned the recliner around to face away from the window, which unfortunately was away from the TV. I laid on the floor. I relocated to behind the recliner by slithering like a slug. I was immediately joined by my stinky dog who remarkably doesn’t stink anymore. I fell asleep.

Sunday: I opened my eyes just as a bead of sweat was dripping onto my nose. The room was dark. The TV off. The dog (and me) panting. The worst had happened….the power was off. More importantly the AC was off.  I sprung to my feet (ya didn’t by the whole ‘sprung’ thing did ya?) and made my way into the kitchen to light my candle. Should have figured on matches in my emergency plan! I dug through the silverware draw only slightly slicing my finger and found a book of matches. Candle lit….check! I went back into the dining room, found the flashlight and put it on pointing it toward and illuminating the TV screen. (I can dream can’t I) The rain was driving, the wind howling and I had no idea where I had put the Twizzlers. I sat at the far end of the couch staring at the miniscule amount of power I left on my cell phone and went on Facebook. Everyone, was there. Everyone with mobile capability and battery life.  Mine was dwindling fast.  I thought about going out to my car and charging it from there, but the tree above my car was swaying more than I cared to brave. I picked up my phone and used what little power I had left to tell my husband what a crud he was for being in the air conditioned, well lit hospital where he worked while I sat sweating in the darkness. Just then….. a huge thud. I looked out and saw nothing but swinging trees so I decided to retreat to the couch and stay there until morning. It was 2:30am.

I remembered that I had a battery operated radio in my junk draw. Not crazy about rummaging around there in the dark, but since I had already cut my finger looking for matches I dove in. I felt a cord that I was sure was part of the radio. It wasn’t. It was a personal alarm that screams an ungodly sound when the pin is pulled out. That cord pulled the pin out. The high pitched screams were only muffled by the high pitched screaming in my head and my god damn dog barking. I found the alarm, put back the pin, stifled the noise including the dog and used the candle to light my way back to the couch. I blew it out since I was afraid to leave it lit where the dog could easily knock it over. (I figure he may want to pay me back for the earlier alarm fiasco) I sat in the dark with my little pink battery operated radio that only got 3 channels…..two of which broadcast in Spanish. It didn’t, however, take a linguist to figure out ‘Mucho Grande Hurricano en Nuevo York’ meant the waiting was over. Irene had arrived. As I sat sweating and cursing my husband I remembered where I had left the Twizzlers and promptly and carefully made my way to retrieve them with the extinguished candle.

For the next two hours I sat there totally missing my eastern seaboard map with its swirling and dotted lines. I sat perched up with a snack tray in front of me that held my cell phone which was dead, my house phone which was equally dead, the remote for a TV that wouldn’t work and an empty bag of black Twizzlers. Things were going from bad to worse. And then as my dog growled, my front door opened. Was this really happening? Was I being robbed, now? Really? REALLY? Hadn’t I had enough for one night? The sound of the driving rain got louder as the door opened wider, and as the dog growled harder I grabbed the flashlight and shone it on the intruder. My soaking wet husband, lit up like a prowler, said “it’s just me!”. I wish I had been armed, I could have gotten away with murder. It was 530am.

The hours leading up to daylight were pretty mundane.  By daybreak I was speaking to my husband again and in the light of day the wind and rain didn't seem quite so bad.  We found the origin of the thud...part of the tree in my yard was now leaning on my neighbors house.  The spiders that were trying desperately to get out of the plastic bags I had encased my hanging plants in when I brought them inside would soon be free to terrorize once more.  I anxiously awaited the storm to pass so I could bring my patio set back outside and of course buy more Twizzlers.