I AM GRANDMA!

I am a night person.  I am an all-night person.  I don't sleep well, never have and guessing never will.  Recent studies show that not sleeping well is bad for your health, however the revelation that it could be sleep deprivation and not the Twinkies that makes me fat...makes me happy. That's my excuse and I am sticking to it!  It was because of that sleepless agenda that I haven't seen a sunrise in probably 15 years.  This morning, my first day babysitting in Long Island for grandchild #5, I saw the sun rise.  Actually I saw darkness...and then the sunrise.  Quite frankly from sleep encrusted eyeballs behind a steering wheel it wasn't much of a hurrah.

I allowed myself more than enough time because the belt parkway is always backed up although at this ungodly hour I didn't anticipate much traffic. Wrong.  Unlike me, many, many people navigate this God forsaken parkway and watch the sun rise on a daily basis.  As traffic started flowing at a decent rate, apparently everyone was late for work.  Between the  s l o o o w e r   t h a n   t h i s  school buses and the Kamikazee cars switching lanes at 90 ignoring the fact that I already inhabit that lane, I made my way to the Southern State.  Referring back to my driving handbook days I clearly remember that the right lane was for the slower drivers and the left lane was for passing or speeding.  I opted for the middle lane since I was not speeding, passing or going slow.  The rules may have changed in the last 40 years.  The 12 mile an hour school buses spewing diesel fumes were in the middle as were the kamizazee cars as they made their way around me and the buses.

Two exits onto the Southern State an overhead sign proclaimed a Grey Alert with the plate number and description of a car with apparently a wayward elder person.  I felt sad but wondered, if I had gone missing would it have been a Clairol #37 Alert? As I drove I scanned the plates in hopes of locating said missing elder, however by the fourth exit I had forgotten what the plate number was and was left simply wishing him or her well in their endeavor to escape.   I got to my exit in record time and even had time to stop at Starbucks....which of course wasn't open yet.  I drank my now cold coffee I had brought with me from home before realizing it was in the other cupholder.  I had drank coffee from......well, I would rather not do the math. 

Mary Poppins has nothing on me.....I may have arrived in a Jeep and not floated in via umbrella, her canvas satchel replaced by a torn plastic grocery bag but I am GRANDMA!