I am an impromptu shopper. If I see what I want I buy it. I don’t plan any part of a purchase because the few times I did, disaster. Example…It was time to get a dog. My beloved Sasha had to be put to sleep and my husband and I were ridiculously upset. I didn't want to make a rush decision since the commitment to owning a dog is a lifetime....at least that of the dog's. I made a list of things I wanted in a dog including getting her through a private adoption. My list included, female, really big breed, and not a lot of shedding. I got a male (with balls that I eventually had loped off), smaller than pretty much any dog I have ever had since I was 5, and the hairiest, sheddiest dog in the world. The only thing on my list was that we adopted him from a private breeder who but for the grace of God still walks the earth. I was told that his mother was a German Shephard and the father was a Chocolate Lab. We conveniently couldn’t see the parents because they would be ‘upset’ seeing their pup being taken away. (OK what was I thinking?) Liar! The vet said there is no Lab in him at all and wasn’t even sure about the Shephard part. He has an inherited skin condition that requires more attention than a leper, but we love him even though he sheds and stinks….not necessarily in that order. So much for planning.
I bring up the disaster that is my dog, because yet again I chose to make a decision based on planning rather than spontaneous logic. I need a new couch. I have needed a new couch for about 4 years. I bought my current couch many years ago in Levitz. I paid a small fortune for a couch, three tables and this huge club chair which the dog, yes the same one from the lying adoptee, ate three weeks after getting it delivered. He was a puppy back then and still cute and not yet stinky so I forgave him and threw out the chair….I did however have him fixed shortly after that….revenge is sweet! He never chewed another thing in the house!
The couch which was what I perceived to be a regal shade of Burgandy was recently described to me by my grandson as being….purple. Purple???? Not gonna make that mistake again…..first on the list, no Burgandy! I bought a fabric that seemed like it would wear well and repel stains….not so much when you have a husband that sits on the couch with clothes he has just changed the car oil in. We tried the whole ‘cover it with a sheet’ routine but that faded fast and I simply gave up. Purple Burgandy hides a lot and is the only reason it wasn’t out in the garbage shortly after the club chair….(and besides he wouldn’t have sat still for that whole revenge thing like the dog did) Fabric choice made it to the list….leather could work well and clean up easily too.
One Father’s Day a few years ago we bought my husband a big, comfortable, leather swiveling recliner. (yup, in….Burgandy) He never sat in it. Finally he admitted that the swiveling feature wasn’t his favorite and he creatively placed wooden blocks into the mechanics to stop the swivel. Unfortunately it also stopped the recline. Oh well, another piece of useless furniture in the living room. Looks good, just not functional. One Mother’s Day my kids bought me a chaise lounge (need I tell you what color?) which is in the room as well. It sits beneath my picture window so in case I decide to make a cup of tea, grab a book and sit by the window with sunlight streaming on my face as I relax…..ok I’ll stop lying….no one is allowed to sit on it except maybe the baby since I don’t want yet another piece of furniture screwed up by our fat, Jiffy Lube asses. Add to the list….nothing that rocks, reclines or swivels.
The tables that came with the set were perfect. Light wood with glass inserts and table tops. The middle glass on the three panel coffee table broke and we replaced it with Plexiglas which was fine until it got scratched moving a centerpiece back and forth out of the line of the remote. It has been replaced many times since the original breakage and probably cost more in plexi than it would have been to buy a new table. The glass tops were also not such a great idea once the grandkids came. So....no glass!
I went shopping…list in hand. (it was actually in my head, I am not that big a geek) The first store they had nothing in all leather…it was ‘leather where you touch’….what the hell? What if I wanted to ‘touch' the back of the couch? The second and third store had salesmen that knew very little about the furniture and had to ‘check’ on everything I asked. “Does this come in black?” Let me check “How long is the couch?” Let me check. “Can I get this delivered before the end of the month?” Let me check. By the time they came back I had checked...out! I re-visited the first store contemplating the crazy leather scenario, left again and finally found a store I hadn’t previously explored. The salesman, a handsome man with a clipboard followed me around the store just far enough away so as not to annoy me, close enough to not lose me to another salesperson. I walked around the store, possibly more times than I needed to, fantasizing that the handsome salesman following me was trying to work up the nerve to ask me to meet him for a drink and not simply stalking me for a commissioned sale, and suddenly I found the perfect couch. It was leather (even the back), it had no moving parts, the tables (cleverly called ottomans) had no glass and it most definitely was not purple burgundy. It was Ivory. Ivory??? See what I mean? I planned. I listed. And I still went and bought a friggin’ white couch.
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