perhaps Another Version

T’WAS THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS, WHEN ALL THRU THE MALLS

NOT A CELL PHONE WAS RINGING, NO TIME FOR THOSE CALLS

THE STOCKINGS NEED FILLING, GIFTS NEED TO BE WRAPPED

SOME KIDS STILL BELIEVE IN THAT SANTA CLAUS CRAP.

THE KIDS WERE ALL NESTLED ALL SNUG IN THEIR BEDS

WHILE VISIONS OF CHARGE CARDS DANCED IN OUR HEADS

AND DAD IN HIS BOXERS AND I IN MY SWEATS

HAD JUST FINISHED SORTING WHAT EVERYONE GETS.

WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN WE KNEW SOMETHINGS THE MATTER

WE SPRANG FROM THE COUCH TO SEE WHAT WAS THE CLATTER

STRAIGHT TO THE WINDOW I FLEW LIKE A FLASH

TRIPPED OVER THE DOG AND AND FELL ON MY……head!

THE MOON LIT THE NIGHT AND THE SNOW THAT HAD FALLEN,

WITH JUST ENOUGH LIGHT TO SEE WHO HAD COME CALLIN’

WHEN WHAT TO MY WONDERING EYES SHOULD APPEAR

BUT A CAB WITH MY INLAWS …IT BROUGHT ME TO TEARS.

THE DRIVER WHO HELPED THEM UNLOAD ALL THEIR STUFF

DIDN’T SEEM TO AGREE THAT HIS TIP WAS ENOUGH

HE WAS YELLING AND CURSING AND CALLING THEM NAMES,

AS HE DROVE OFF STILL BABBLING WITH UNFOUNDED CLAIMS.

“NOW HONEY, NOW SWEETIE, NOW BABY, NOW DEAR

YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE KIND AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR

I PROMISE THEY WONT STAY AS LONG AS BEFORE

AND WITH THAT THERE BEGAN A BARRAGE AT THE DOOR.

THE BELL IT WAS RINGING, THE KNOCKER WAS USED,

THE DOORKNOB WAS JIGGLED, I WAS NOT AMUSED

WHY DO YOUR PARENTS INSIST ON THAT GAME

OF COMING TO VISIT LIKE A RUNAWAY TRAIN?

THE CHILDREN WERE WOKEN, OF COURSE THE DOG BARKED,

“YOU GO TO BED EARLY”, MY INLAWS REMARKED,

THE INSULTS CAME FLYING.. THE HOUSE IT WAS COLD,

THE TREE WAY TOO BIG AND THE EGG NOG WAS OLD.

OUR HOLIDAY MENU, TOO SALTY AT BEST,

THE CHILDREN WERE RESTLESS, THE DOG WAS A PEST

THE LIGHTS ON THE TREE SHOULD BE BLINKING THEY SAID,

I JUST COULDN’T WAIT TIL THEY ALL WENT TO BED.

I SPOKE NOT A WORD, JUST CONTINUED TO WORK

I FILLED ALL THE STOCKINGS, I FELT LIKE A JERK

NOTHING WE DID WAS CORRECT OR ENOUGH,

THE GIFTS THAT WE BOUGHT WERE JUST NOT THE RIGHT STUFF.

THEY SAID I WAS PLUMP OR WAS I JUST CHUBBY,

OH THINGS THAT I DO FOR THAT MAN I CALL HUBBY,

IN A WINK OF AN EYE I WOULD TWIST OFF HIS HEAD,

I JUST WANT TO FINISH AND GO UP TO BED.

HIS DAD SMOKED A PIPE THAT STUNK UP THE PLACE,

HIS MOM WORE AN APRON WITH RIBBONS AND LACE,

THEY BOTH LOOKED LIKE ELVES IN THEIR STATURE AND POSE,

I’M GRATEFUL THEY CAME FOR THE KIDS, I SUPPOSE.

NOW CHRISTMAS IS OVER AND THE NEW YEAR IS DONE,

BUT I HATE TO ADMIT IT, WE REALLY HAD FUN,

AND I HEARD THEM EXCLAIM AS THEY DROVE OUT OF SIGHT,

NEXT YEAR WE’LL BE BACK, MAYBE YOU’LL GET IT RIGHT.