I have decided it is time to re-do my bedroom. My daughter bought me a beautiful bedroom set almost two years ago and as it sits in the corner looking sad as it peeks out of it zippered bag I wondered why I hadn’t used it yet. But I knew. It was because it would have been a sin to put such a beautiful set in such a crappy room. Many years ago I ‘decorated’ the bedroom. I sponge painted the eight wall-length closet doors to resemble a marbled effect. This was long before it was called ‘faux finishing’ and before Youtube had step by step instructions on how to accomplish it. It was also long before places like Home Depot held classes that no one attends on how to pull off this technique. So my closets look more like a sad mottled mess than the marbleized look I was going for. The walls were painted a light grey and I hung a border of pink and grey flowers. The curtains matched the border. It was a cross between Little House on the Prairie and My Secret Garden. Two pieces of border have started to show signs of mutiny as they hang on with ancient glue. The rug, before my dog added his little accent color, was grey on grey. How’s that for exciting??
Years ago we removed an air conditioner from the wall. The outside was covered easy enough by the new siding, but inside the bedroom was a void that I simply filled with crumpled newspapers and then plastered over. I think I saw that on This Old House, or maybe it was This House is Old…either way, it worked and I didn’t have to wait for or fight with Mr. Wonderful to get around to it. It wasn’t the best plaster job to begin with, but it got even worse when I wallpapered over the bumpiness. My solution, hang a mirror over the whole mess. And that worked too. Til now. The mirror with its, you guessed it…pink and grey flowers has to come down.
The ceiling fan that has been up pretty much since we bought the house 24 years ago has about 12 years of dust on it. (and they were worried about the air quality at ground zero…) I thought about taking down the fan and putting up some fun, sexy lighting…but then I thought who the hell has fun or sex in the…never mind.
I haven’t decided on a color yet. I thought maybe an accent wall, a nice bold green. Or burgundy. I went to Home Depot and saw colors like pistachio, mango madness and cappucino. It made me hungry. I avoided the section called Fall Colors since I assume come winter I will need to repaint. I found an entire section dedicated to Feng Shui and since I am pretty sure my Feng has no Shui left in it, I passed that up as well. There was the Zen section which is basically the equivalent of sitting around a campfire singing “Kumbaya my Lord” and making S’mores. Calm, tranquil, peaceful. I am not a very Zen-like person…for me it would end up looking the equivalent of finding out there are no more marshmallows and a bear has taken up residence in my sleeping bag. I found a wall of paint chips which were in the shape of Mickey Mouse ears. I took four of every color for my grandkids but saw nothing that worked for me. Paint shopping a bust, I came home to take another look at the room and considered wallpapering. Considered and then banished from thought as a momentary memory lapse allowed me to forget the bathroom wallpaper disaster.
My bedroom also needs corners…..there are no corners in my bedroom, at least none that aren’t filled with ‘stuff’. We have my husband’s valet that he bought because it had a pants presser feature. There has never been a pair of pants pressed or even remotely hung on that valet in 10 years. They sit puddled across the top. I would throw it out but then my husband would puddle his pants on the floor where the valet had stood. Trust me on this one. The other corner has a box containing a 20 foot Spongebob blowup, another of my husband’s idiotic eBay acquisitions. It has a hole so it sits in a box, in my room, in a corner, covered by a tablecloth, adorned with a vase. Spongebob is going down! (or maybe up…. into the attic) In another corner is a dress form which I bought years ago to facilitate my sewing projects. Since in order for a dress form to be useful, it needs to be adjusted to your exact measurements. I cried for over a week and then banished the portly dummy to the corner like some sick Time Out for being fat. There it has sat for over three years and other than scaring the hell out of my husband in the dark has few redeeming qualities.
The furniture will stay. It is still ghetto fabulous and besides all the drawers still work. I will need some artwork, some shelves and of course curtains. I am considering making the curtains since I do not need the assistance of my chubby assistant. Once I pick a color I will pick a fabric. Of course then I will need to decide curtains or drapes….single rod or grommet…swag or scarf….sheers or drapes….French or accordian pleats….or anything that doesn’t have little pink and grey flowers.
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