and speaking of......

I watched the 2009 American Music Awards on Sunday night. I watched it again on Monday night, I may even watch it again tonight…yes I thought it was that good! Not the awards themselves, because other than Taylor Swift (who has like one decent song) winning so many awards it was a typical awards show. But the musical acts were all great.

I love Rap music. Not all of it, but I love Eminem and I love Jay-Z and both performed. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys did their amazing Empire State of Mind, the same one they sang at the end of the Yankee parade with Bridget Kelly doing a pretty decent job of Alicia Keys part considering she was like thisclose to Derek Jeter and if it were me I probably wouldn’t even be able to speak let alone sing. I want to thank Jay-Z for wearing a tuxedo to the awards. Of course he can well afford to keep a couple of them hanging in his closet, but with the sloppy gangster look so common, it was refreshing to see a black man in a white tux. Ebony and Ivory…..and speaking of Ivory….

Eminem, (the only accepted white rapper…forget Vanilla Ice)…was as usual Eminem. All thugged out, baggy, hanging pants and grabbing his crotch. I just want to know, what’s up with all the grabbing anyway. Adam Lambert did it, Janet Jackson did it…is it a chafing issue? something fungal? I doubt the choreographer said, ‘and 1, and 2, step together, step together, turn, dip, dip, crotch grab, crotch grab’….but ya never know. And what’s with the pants ready to fall off. I know it’s the style, but why? Are they so proud of their underwear that they feel the need to show them off? Can you even do this with tighty whiteys? Seriously, what’s up with that? Is it a black thing? A solidarity thing for the beltless homies in prison? Ya can’t run, can hardly walk…..and speaking of walking…

Ya should’ve seen Paula Abdul trying to make her way across the stage in her Morticia Adams dress. Instead of sexy, sultry it looked like she had to pee. Paula, you have a great shape, but come on…it would have been hysterical if you had fallen on your ass….and speaking of asses….

J-Lo fell on her’s. A lot more cushioned than Paula however. Doing her best I-can-walk-on-the-backs-of-dancing-men routine, she jumped off only to find herself flat on her ass. As fast as it was that she recouped, I am sure it was even faster that the back up dancer was fired. Hold my hand til I land on my feet….ooops! And speaking of oops….what was up with A-Rod’s flavor of the month, Kate Hudson. The dress she wore, provocatively revealed NOTHING…she has nothing! But as she tugged at the top it was obvious she thought something was going to fall out….guess again Kate. And beside Ms. Jackson took care of that whole nipple in the wind thing long ago….maybe Kate should have had the dress tailored. Speaking of tailors….

Back to Taylor Swift. When Kanye did his thing and interrupted her acceptance speech we all sympathetically fell in line behind her. But Favorite Entertainer of the Year?….over Michael Jackson? Even a dead Jackson is hands down a better performer than Swift. And speaking of dead, why was Jermaine Jackson thanking Allah for Michael’s award. His “Allah” wasn’t much help when Michael was on the floor dying of a drug overdose. And speaking of drugs….

What was Lady Gaga on? Not during her routine, but when she chose her outfit for the evening? Bones that lit up? How festive? And there were flames and a piano….didn’t Billy Joel do that once/ (We didn’t start the fire…) She’s weirder than hell, but I love her….or is it him? She pushes the envelope. She is my idol. And speaking of idols…

There were four American Idol finalists on the AMA stage…Kelly Clarkson who, even though her voice is amazing, hasn’t had a decent song since Since You’ve Been Gone, Chris Daughtry who’s arrogant face when he was voted off before he thought he should be has always stayed with me, Carrie Underwood who is clearly the most talented and beautiful of Idol alumni, and Adam Lambert. Hmmm, what to say?…what to say? He screams a lot and knows how to apply eyeliner better than I’ve ever been able to. He likes boys, maybe girls too. But can he sing? This jury is still out. And speaking of out….

Out!