I love my DVR. For anyone who quite possibly doesn’t know what that is, it is a magical box that allows you to watch TV shows whenever you want….to stop, pause and chat when someone calls, to stop, pause and pee when nature calls, to stop, pause and snack when Twinkies call and all this while zipping through the commercials.
I tape everything. (although I am not sure that ‘taping’ is the correct term) Even things I am sitting there watching. I tape just in case the phone rings or someone has the audacity to ring the bell while Jack Bauer is saving the world. I tape my soap opera because God forbid I don’t find out who is killing the women of Pine Valley or who slept with who and of course got pregnant on the first indiscretion. I tape pretty much every reality show with the exception of the Biggest Loser and Dancing with the Stars. I don’t like those shows. Probably because I should be on the Biggest Loser and I can’t dance. Now if they had Dancing with the Biggest Loser I might tape that. Sweaty heffers in gold sequined spandex cha cha-ing to “It’s Raining Men“….now that’s good TV! I tape Survivor, Top Chef and Americas Top Model. I tape Fringe and FlashForward, two shows that I have to watch at least twice just to know what the hell is happening. I tape the Oprah encore shows at 1a.m. just in case they show the lady that had her face eaten by a monkey (I missed it the first six times it was on) and the View if some YouTube sensation is gonna be on. I tape Sewing with Nancy a show that teaches you sewing tricks, taught by a woman that had a stroke (I think), so it makes it difficult at times to watch her crooked face attempt to say words that have an H in them. I tape any and every craft show, just in case I get the bug to create something….however after the latest bathroom fiasco I may lay low for a while. I don’t tape cooking shows, at least not the ones that teach you to cook. Don’t care to learn. Since my children are all out of the house now, and my husband will basically eat anything as long as it’s dead and has a baked potatoe on the same plate…I don’t want to cook anymore. I will however tape the cooking shows where they have to make dinner for like forty people with stuff from a 7-eleven or the shows where the head chef chucks knives at the contestant that pisses him off. I don’t tape American Idol this year. I used to. This year sucks without Paula. I love Ellen, but Paula’s babbling gave me something to fast forward through.
I tape Celebrity Apprentice, the Housewives of New Jersey and yes, I hate to admit….the Jersey Shore. I tape them because I like comb-overs, spoiled bitches and fist pumping. Well of course not….I just like mindless TV sometimes. No thinking involved. No reason to pause to pee. I also tape what I like to think of as ‘smart’ shows. Dateline, 20/20, and Primetime. Unfortunately the only ones I really enjoy are those about sex, drugs and celebrity murder. Oh, and Noah’s Ark. And the Shroud of Turin. And Anna Nicole Smith. What can I say, I have eclectic taste in TV.
Luckily for me, my husband hasn’t quite mastered the DVR remote. He can PLAY, FAST FORWARD and REWIND but he can’t record. He has me set up his shows so that all he has to do is sit in the living room, prop a pillow behind his head (which I repeatedly have told him are decorative not functional) and press play. Oh, and immediately fall asleep. While he sleeps I delete the black and white crap that he makes me tape. He makes me tape Have Gun Will Travel…a show that I think went off in 1912. Or maybe in the 50’s…but either way it is black and white. I have 13 episodes of House taped for him and he has watched the first 15 minutes of all of them. Play….and then he naps. Rewind…..and then he naps. Rewind….Nap…. you get the picture. If I am anywhere in the vicinity while this is happening I wait for the nap portion of the scenario and then delete. I am sure at some point he is going to figure out that he isn’t accidentally deleting them, but until then it saves my sanity.
I have figured out that while I can tape two things at the same time I cannot watch a third show….I can however, watch a previously taped show….therefore I am actually accomplishing the ultimate tri-fecta. Tape,Tape…Watch.
There is a negative to having a DVR. I watch ALOT of TV. Thankfully since I am an insomniac I have ALOT of TV viewing hours.
No comments:
Post a Comment