cheetah

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have to be accountable for past actions and poor choices. I think in some religions they call it confession, in others, restitution and in others still, atonement. In my world it is called ‘getting caught’. I have a friend who’s husband confessed, restituted (is that a word?) and atoned but basically he got caught. He was dating a woman who wasn’t his wife, sleeping with a woman who wasn’t his wife and shared a Hampton beach house with a woman that wasn’t his wife. Problem is, it wasn’t the even the same woman who wasn’t his wife. Mr. Wonderful had 4 woman in his life at the same time. Four…that’s three more relationships than I know I could possibly handle! He canoodled during lunch, had more late night business meetings than an investment banker and he even slipped in and out at night when she was asleep. He avoided a paper trail by using cash for everything including hotels, motels and boatels. (a trick he picked up from Joey Buttafucco’s blunder) Each woman knew him by a different name although he did stick with his correct initials. (in case he blew his cheating, lying nose on his monogrammed handkerchief) He had his car cleaned after every clandestine visit to remove any remnants of the last woman he had in the car. (and I mean that in the literal sense as well) The sex he was having with his wife became mundane and limited and she had no idea why. Her Victoria Secret thongs were unimpressive. Her toned, tanned body barely piqued his interest anymore.

For some reason, Mr. Viagra broke off the relationships citing one reason or another that these cheap broads bought hook, line and sinker. Except for one. She wasn’t going down easy. She wanted her 15 minutes and she wouldn’t be silenced. She called his wife. She told her everything. She gave dates and times and locations. The problem was that the Mrs. already knew…deep down where it mattered most, she knew. She knew about them all. And knowing before you are told gives you a sense of empowerment. She agreed to meet with the woman and was frighteningly unimpressed with what she saw. Her husband had risked the stability of their lives for a romp with a woman that was plain at best. They talked for hours, and a bizarre friendship formed after many tears and too much wine.

That night she confronted him. She too named names, dates and locations. And he denied it. All of it. There were no other woman. There were no clandestine meetings. He simply didn’t do any of it…and to add insult to injury claimed he was appalled by her accusations, he packed. And left. It had been three days since she heard from him. He went to his girlfriend. She threw him out. He came back to his wife and she did the same. He decided to come clean and told her much of what she already knew. He expected forgiveness….there was none. Good riddance and stay tuned!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0pftUq7QQw