I hate being sick. I am such a baby. I woke this morning after a lousy night’s sleep to find my throat on fire. And my head hurt. Top, forehead, temples….just one big pain….and it felt like I was wearing a hat two sizes too small that I couldn’t take off. I called work to say that I wouldn’t be in and planned my course of curative action. The medicine cabinet had a minimal stock of pain meds…aspirin, Tylenol, sore throat lozenges, and a musical Spongebob thermometer. Forget the fact that it was a rectal thermometer. I just assumed that I had no temperature. I took the Tylenol as I whimpered and moaned like a two year old. I fished out two lozenges and made my way to the couch. Of course as soon as I laid down my bladder decided it was time to make a bathroom run. Didn’t it notice me passing the bathroom? I splashed cool water on my face which all but sizzled making me rethink the whole thermometer thing. I made it back to the couch, found the fetal position and covered myself with the throw all the while moaning a slight barely audible sound. (Hey I told you I was a baby)
Within minutes of my delightful posturing under the throw, a wet cold annoying nose prompted me to let him out. I didn’t have much strength left to argue the point, so I just got up and let my dog out. Cursing and moaning. I passed the closet with the medications and ever so momentarily thought about the thermometer…and then continued on to the couch which seemed to get further and further away.
The phone rang. I couldn’t reach it without disrupting my covers, so I let it ring and waited for the answering machine to pick it up. It did, and the person hung up. Bastard! My cell rang. Same hang up scenario only I wouldn’t know that til I crawled from my couch sanctuary and found my cell phone in the bottom of my pocketbook after emptying the contents on the floor as the damn dog barked all but splitting open my head with pain. I want my mommy!
I took two more pills, eyed Spongebob once more, made a bathroom stop and made the trek back to the couch. The dog was eating something. I assumed it was my lozenges since the coffee table was bare. Since they are little more than a sucking candy with menthol I knew it wouldn’t kill him and let him continue his feast. I laid down, covered up and groped for the remote. Nothing. Nowhere. (The dog couldn’t have eaten the remote too could he?) I rolled off the couch since I didn’t have the strength to sit up and found the remote dangerously close to going under the couch where it would have to remain til I had the get up and go to get up and get it. The dog, thinking my materialization on the floor was a signal to play came bounding over. His entire face and paws were red. Blood, no….Fancy Fuschia…my lipstick. Urrgh!
I wiped a tear away as I sprayed the Fancy Fuschia stains on the carpet. After putting away the cleaning supplies I made a cup of tea, grabbed two more lozenges, and cleverly hid them in my pocket. (That dog can’t get one over on me… twice!) The couch just wasn’t working, so I planted myself in the great big leather recliner that my kids bought their father for Fathers Day two years ago that he has yet to recline in. I now know why. Once you recline, if you don’t have abs of steel, you have to remain in that horizontal position until someone comes to your rescue. And I was holding a cup of herbal tea. Since I couldn’t reach the table, can’t sit up enough to sip the tea, and no one was due home for hours I sat holding the tea til I fell asleep. And so as physics would have it, every action has an equal reaction. You let go of a cup of hot tea, you get burned with a cup of hot tea. At least it was herbal.
I sat tacky with tea until I could no longer take the chill and my blanket was on the couch, feet away. Like the adreneline rush of a superhuman feat, I managed the strength to sit up and fall sideways out of the recliner. I went and changed my clothes, took what amounted to an overdose of Tylenol and put on my computer. I gave up trying to take care of myself, I gave up trying to feel better, instead I wrote this. I feel better now.
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