not the only loser

Oh well, so much for the old adage ‘third times a charm.’ I took the Who Wants to be a Millionaire test for the third time and didn’t pass AGAIN. I went with two other friends who also didn’t pass, but at least they didn’t have the dubious honor of carving a third notch in their loser belt. They don’t tell you what passing is, or how many you got wrong or even the correct answers. The one consolation was that only six in over a hundred test takers passed. We got to watch the filming of three shows, but I never made it to the hot seat, I didn’t get to talk to Meredith and I certainly didn’t win a million dollars or even enough to cover the $18 salad I had for lunch afterwards. At least not this time around. The guy in desperate need of a visit from the follicle fairy who talked when you weren’t supposed to talk and took too many of the sucking candies they passed around…he passed. The woman from Wewaddle, Wisconsin with her knee high knee-highs and kelly green scarf (when we were clearly told to wear only dark colors)…she passed. The high school teacher from Yonkers who bantered with the warm up guy about the constitution but clearly was not in front of his high school students this day…..he passed. Three others who weren’t in our section also passed showing no enthusiasm and no fanfare. Damn them.

I should have known it was going to be a bad day. It started out earlier than I would have liked, waking at 5am for no apparent reason, the ATM machine had no cash to give out, the Dunkin Donuts line was 20 deep, and the gas station attendant had an attitude when I told him the pump wasn’t working. The traffic on the West Side highway was bumper to bumper with tour buses, cabs and really lousy inconsiderate drivers. Time was of the essence now so when a construction worker, all tough in his little orange vest with the flourescent stripe, decided to direct traffic I should have just apologized to my friends and gone home. Turning cars were blocking the intersection and me. We were at a standstill. Tough guy stands in front of my car just as the box cleared and I could have proceeded. He continues to direct turning cars in front of me, who now also block the box leaving me standing still again. Had he remained in front of my car he would have ended up an orange blob with a flourescent stripe under my front left wheel, but instead he sauntered over to my window with a half assed admittance that he screwed up and made things worse. Knowing that my mouth might get me in more trouble than this was worth, especially since I was in a inescapable situation, I told the man to get away from my car, and when he wouldn’t I picked up my cell phone as if I was calling for help.  He left. Now the funny thing is, who the hell was I gonna call?….the cops couldn’t have gotten anywhere near us unless they helicopter-ed in, and I doubt me, my friends and our millionaire tickets warranted much attention since Amadinajad and Gadhafi (wasn’t it spelled Khaddafy a few years back?) were in town. The box cleared and once again we were on our way.

I dropped my friends off at the corner and began the daunting task of looking for a parking spot or parking garage. One 'i can walk that far' block away was a beautiful spot….just off a corner, in front of the $18 salad shop, with a no tow zone and a muni-meter.  Fifty cents for 15 minutes. So for an approximate 5 hours stay, it would cost me $10.….in quarters. Did you do the math? That’s 40 quarters. I had seven. I put in my seven, got my receipt, put it upside down in the windshield and hoped for the best. Maybe the meter maids/men/people/persons (whatever is politically correct these days) were too busy on the east side at the UN where they were allowing the aforementioned tyrants to speak. Either my upside down ruse worked, or they really were busy on the east side, either way no ticket!

Regardless of how the day began or ended, I will apply for more tickets, I will try out again….and take the test a fourth time. After all I have a lot of room on my belt for loser notches.