.....i wanna

.......I wanna forget that I watched a horribly depressing movie this morning and even though I am sure there was a message hidden in the sappy music and sad sad storyline it left me feeling blah all day.
......I wanna win the lottery. It doesn’t have to be the Mega Lottery, just the regular one will do. And it doesn’t have to be a record breaking one either. A few mil and I’m good! I am sick and tired of hearing about the farmer from some teeny tiny town in middle America winning and the first thing they buy is a new John Deere ride-on something or other. I hate hearing about the upstate New York 18 year old couple who had to postpone their wedding because they needed the money to feed their 8 kids. And I am usually most irate when I see a group of immigrant workers who pooled their money to buy the winning ticket and while everyone is applauding their good fortune they are out trying to get a green card so that they can stay in this country long enough to collect their winnings and move back to where ever-the-hell they came from in the first place. I am a little bitter, can you tell?

.....I wanna win tickets to Oprah’s Christmas show. I will gladly fly to Chicago to join the love fest when Oprah gives away so much stuff you hardly remember that you don’t like her very much anymore. I liked her alot, but during the Obama campaign she became an African American…no more no less….everything else was insignificant. Her career, her billions, Stedman…..all played 2nd fiddle to the fact that she was an African American woman voting for Obama. She could simply have backed him as an American. But I still desperately want tickets to her show.

.....I wanna meet Barry Manilow. Not just go to his show, not some meet and greet for a charity, I wanna sit down and chat it up with him over bagels and lox and discuss his Brooklyn roots. I want to dispel the ‘gay’ rumors any way I can. (wink, wink) I want to ask him why he had the plastic surgery that made him look like a Picasso painting. I want to know why he refused to go on The View last year. Was it really because he disagreed with Elizabeth’s political views or because he is really good friends with Rosie O’Donnell who now hates Elizabeth in the wake of their wonderfully entertaining altercation on live TV?
......I wanna win a makeover. I have entered hundreds of contests and written to countless talk shows to no avail…but I’d rather not lie and say I have 6 months to live, or just lost a loved one, survived a plane crash, rescued four people from a burning building or recently dropped 100 pounds. (ok that one I would like) I just want to drop my name in a ballot box somewhere and get a call that I was chosen. Is that asking too much? I am even willing to be nominated for that amazingly embarrassing show What Not To Wear. They can stalk me, mock me and pick through my tired old wardrobe if at the end I look like Cindy Crawford. Tall order but hell, this my fantasy.

.....I wanna pass the test for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I usually win $250,000 when I play from my couch. But the three times that I took the actual test…..nothing. Zip Zilch Nada They don’t even tell you if you passed, they just announce who out of the group did pass. And it was never me or my friend Kathy who is like… a genius. Hell, they don’t even tell you what score you have to get to pass the damn thing. Passing the test doesn’t even guarantee that you will be on the show, you still have to get through an interview and then do a face to face interview with Meredith Viera the host…hostess. Right now I will settle for just the bragging rights that come with passing the damn test.
.....I wanna talk to the Border Patrol. I want to know exactly who they are and aren’t letting into our country. I was asked recently by some political satirist to understand that we ‘let’ immigrant people into our country to work the jobs we didn’t want, for a pay that we didn’t want, under conditions we didn’t want. If our patrol guards let them in then they aren’t illegal aliens and could have gotten any job at any pay under any conditions they wanted. If they weren’t let in they are here illegally and the fact that they have any job at any pay under any conditions is a blessing. Pick your veggies, bus your tables, mow the lawn or demo that building and just say thank you.